The masculine desire towards the feminine, at least with respect to women, seems irredeemable today.
The aggression in it is all-too-quickly seen as too aggressive.
This is not because of man-hating. This is because of man-misunderstanding.
And I'm sorry to say gentlemen that we are also guilty of this misunderstanding.
And so long as we don't solve the problem at home (cave?), we cannot tell the man-haters from the misunderstanders; just as women today find it harder to tell a healthy masculine desire from a perverted, misogynistic, violent one. These are simply 2 sides of the same problem or redefining the masculine-feminine sexual relation in a post-patriarchal age.
The problem of the classic male fantasy has many aspects, but I want to go to what I see as the most basic one (you know, the one where the tradwife trend identified our boners..?): I the man act on you the woman, and you the woman elicit, and cherish, this act. And this act is a play of power: I use my power on her actively, she uses her power on me passively. BUT.
But, nobody teaches us the pitfalls of this fantasy. Nobody warns us - what a sex education that would be! - that masculine maturity means knowing how to handle our own desire.
The Crutch.'
The crutch is very useful sometimes, especially for keeping your balance in treacherous terrain. And when desire brings you to a woman, you know and I know what the terrain is like. Or maybe not. You know who's the best at denying the desire, of making the crutch the only presence, the only dick to be worshipped? Those that decided that women are impressed with money, trophy-whores that move on a spectrum of attractiveness/trophy-ness. The men and women that decided that upfront we spared this terrain. The contract, that protestant fairness, saved them from navigating the power dynamics of encounters. Their 'dates' follow propriety-cliches provided by oh-so-many movies and tv shows, and they play along. It's like those square dances (compare that to a tango, or salsa)... they are both spared the desire-terrain for having completely effaced their sexual being, given way on their desire as Lacan would have said.
I'm not blaming them; it's a rough terrain. It doesn't help if power is being systematically denied (or religiously repressed) everywhere you turn; but that doesn't mean power does not still manifest this denial/repression in symptoms. And they're not pretty.
But how does it work on the level of you and me, let's say? Let's look at our fantasies and they relate to our realities. Here we face the same issue on a smaller, day-to-day scale: how to maintain the sexual fantasy in our day-to-day relations with women in general, and our woman in particular. The challenge is keeping the feeling of security in myself, because only from there can I be a sexual being. When a crutch is added, however, it's like that sexual being is partly replaced with some (cy)Borg parts. Hey, they're always hard, always intimidating, that's true. But that security pays the price of shrinking, of becoming less there, less present: my car gives me confidence, my "game" gives me confidence...
All the while the whole idea is to let your desire give you confidence.
The 'slut' fantasy is another example: her 'sluttiness' is your security. You are spared the approach and the coaxing - with the dangers of that terrain in real-time - and get a "cheat" to advance with no work, that is, no time/energy spent. And so inevitably at some point her sluttiness will make you despise her. Why? Because you despise yourself. You despise yourself for having used a crutch. Post-nut clarity at its best. What she does to herself is her business, but you did this to yourself. Also, if a 'slut' is always DTF, then I wonder whether women are truly the sluttier gender.
But what about all those men that blew-up on a cock-tease and eventually hurt her (to varying degrees, some extreme)? Weren't they finally letting desire give them confidence?
Well, I said desire. Not frustration over desire.
We need to understand this frustration. Because as it stands, it has no recourse, and is being turned-back on the frustrated telling them they're shitty people, misogynists, etc.
How to Build an Incel in 10 Easy Steps...
Here's how I see it evolve from healthy to toxic:
The cock-tease is there to get male attention. How she behaves, what she is wearing, all of these things go here. Now, let's be honest: we don't ride in there on our white attention horses to supply it to a fellow person in need... No, we get off on her need for male attention, don't we? We feel more like men, more secure in that role... And it's here that the problems start, because, you see, security is both addictive (especially when supporting an erection), and given to moods and feelings. Each time this security is threatened, is a test where your masculine desire loses it's footing or orientation and needs to cope with another, potentially boner-killing unknown.
And so in comes the devil with a crutch: hey, you want to always feel like a man? that cock-tease over there will always make you feel like a man! And yeah, it works... BUT.
But then you realize that 'man' is a pathetic prize, considering this tease was freely given to every man; 'man' is not (and should not ever be) enough for us, we need to be 'the man.' And slowly but surely, the security that once was threatens to fizzle away unless you can make yourself special; the witch, what kind of sorcery is this?! Women are whores!
Our man used a crutch, and the crutch turned on him because it precisely is an indiscriminate tool, a means to an end, someone else can use it. The anger is at ourselves, because our desire rejects the crutch like a foreign body, but it seems to us that it's the cock-tease that "put us in this situation"... But hurting her in response is giving up on your ability to learn from this. It just confirms your inability to change things, and your frustration...
...it's a loser move, especially for a man. It's a man who failed himself and his desire, collapsed the fantasy, and now is using its corpse to beat the woman who elicited/witnessed it.
You are throwing your fantasy at her instead of bringing her into it; it's a childish reaction, since it admits no responsibility or control.
You put yourself in that situation. You drew the pleasure that has eventually turned on you.
The sooner you start seeing this "you" as an opportunity, and not as an accusation, the faster you will live and learn and move on, with a better understanding of your desire.
In this case, you will learn the difference between interacting with a woman and interacting with her fetish.
It's not easy, especially since all we see on social media is by definition/necessity ONLY fetishes. It really seems to me that social media has a castrating effect.
The 'Tradwife' fetish touches on this aspect (in the only way a visual fetish can). But a slave is not what a man desires when he desires a woman, since he cannot respect her and so eventually feels himself debased when interacting with her (and once again is in danger of thinking her guilty of this, with predictable results...). The slavery in question is libidinal, it has to do with sexual drives and their expression, not this or that arrangement of social media fetishes.
That anger, that enflamed aggression, are good and healthy in themselves so long as you be a man and take control of them, tame them. She let your wild horses out of the barn? So tend to your horses.
Imagine your desire is feminine, and you are taming 'her.'
It is this taming that your woman will be aroused to enter under; she wants to be your desire as tamed by your power.
But it's important what power is geared towards, which should be my happiness. If I tamed my desire with the power of self-hatred, for whatever reason (for which therapy is probably the only solution), then I become a womanizer, one of those seduce-and-destroy "womanizers," teaching "game" etc.
They also give a bad name to a good thing. They are, also, a merging into the crutch.
Maybe it's best to think of it like a Fast and Furious car; she will only enter a car that you have customized to ride best with your driving style; and to do that you need to know both cars and yourself...
Even though it is harder and requires many more frustrations, to come out of many more interactions -- the inexperienced inevitably use crutches more --, the promise is a confidence that will simply come along with your desire as if they were one and the same. If you cater to your desire -- and this is the masculine role -- you will always attract women, and satisfy your woman on that front.
That's not to say that I achieved this or think it is achievable. But I do know that it's the only available route for us that still love women, and ourselves.
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